I don't know if it is writer's block or an actual over abundance of things to say and not enough time to say it but I've avoided writing for awhile. Even right now I just had to tell myself to sit down and start writing. And write about what I'm thinking right now. Which is that I really do want to write, but I struggle to find the blocks of time I want in order to write.
I've mulled over why I come back to writing time after time (yes, that was a Cyndi Lauper reference) and I think it is because in past years I've been in professional positions and relationships that have allowed me the space to process, and talk, and listen. And in this season of life, I'm trying to figure out how to continue to do that.
Awhile ago my cousin said something like this to me:
"You're kind of an old soul. Do you get time to talk other people?"
And while my children are people and I talk with them a lot, I knew what he meant. Do I get to talk to other people.
I think that is why I need to rethink blogging and writing because I want to talk to other people and right now there isn't the space to have those conversations where you dig deep, listen, ask questions, and wait. Or places to teach. Or lives to listen to. That just isn't this season.
But I still have these thoughts, ideas, moments...and it is just me. Washing the dishes. Thinking about God's calling in my life. Or His faithfulness in confusing times. Or what He is teaching me about being a wife or "wife-ing" :) Or budget thoughts. Or food thoughts. And then I'm folding laundry. And thinking about simplicity. Or immigration. Or prayer.
It isn't a spirit of discontent. In fact, I'm really grateful for this season. I can say that I am thankful for where I am. I can celebrate Ryan, Quinn, and Sela. I am glad that I get to care for our home and that we can spend time together. I feel the "yes" in these things.
I think it is me realizing that I've been waiting for a place to put all these other thoughts, musings, pondering, lessons, experiences, wonderings...and now I'm wondering that if instead of waiting to have a conversation, I need to be writing them here. Maybe like I did with my thoughts about Quinn's journey in February. Maybe this is the direction to move. Not to be clever or perfect or witty or present an image or whatever. Writing here in order to process this life-story that I am living and because I do have these moments I want to share. To be fully me.
Maybe writer's block unblocked.