Friday, July 22, 2011

Slowly

I had a few hours to myself the other day and in the quiet I thought: I am tired. I don't have any good excuses. I can't pinpoint one specific reason. I just thought: I am tired. Maybe even in a bit of a slump. Feeling unmotivated. Not depressed. Just worn out.

For someone who has a long list of "shoulds" in my head, I've had to acknowledge:

Sometimes things don't happen when they should, they happen when they do.

And so instead of tackling everything on my to do list (like pull the weeds that are being held at bay), I've been doing things like reading. In the last five weeks I've read The Help, The Friday Night Knitting Club, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played With Fire, and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. Ummm...which I must admit on certain occasions I thought that adrenaline would overtake me or that I would pass out because I was holding my breath as the mystery unfolded. Not exactly light reading. All finished and I'm taking a break from these types of books. Too much for my heart in 35 days...

And now I'm reading Eugene Peterson's A Long Obedience in the Same Direction: Discipleship in an Instant Society. Good. Challenging. Refreshing. Real. Timely.

I am grateful that there is sunshine today. And that there will be sunshine this weekend. Oh my goodness. So thankful!

I have been thinking and processing and mulling and pondering. Asking myself various questions:

Why am I feeling unmotivated?
What is stopping me from doing what I think I need to do?
What are projects I feel need to be done?
What kind of routine and schedule would best help me right now?

and

How do we want to live?
What is life-giving?
Am I living in a way that is congruent with what I say is important to me?
How am I growing spiritually?
What does Ryan need right now?
What does Quinn need right now?
What does Sela need right now?

and

What are our financial goals?
What are ways that I could earn additional income? (if you have thoughts, I'm open to ideas...I don't bake, make crafts/sew, or take photos...other options?)

Instead of tackling other projects, I've taken the kids to the park more often. I baked two batches of cookies this week and made gluten-free scones for Ryan. We've been sick two more times since the end of May and I think Ryan is on the mend from his last bout. And...in less than three days Ryan will be done with his last MBA class of the summer. And then he'll have a break from grad school. And then only one.more.class. Then he will have his MBA! If anyone should be tired, it is Ryan. Well, he is tired. Work. Grad school. Family. Life. Health. Seriously.

So, maybe we're all just a little worn out.

Sometimes things don't happen when they should, they happen when they do.

1 comment:

Denee said...

That is so true! "Should" is kind of a bad word. It only serves to make us feel guilty.