Sunday, December 31, 2006

new year

a new year is quickly approaching. i always think about what i was doing a year ago, two years ago, three years ago at this time. it is harder for me to stay up for the clock to actually strike midnight. today we get to celebrate the new year with quinn--he has only ever known 2006. today he doesn't know that he is entering into a new year but it is happening just the same. i wonder how many things are happening around me of which i am completely unaware. i hope in this year i become more aware of the things happening around me that are significant--not just the things that need to be done. i hope i can do small things with joy and humility. i hope i can collect memories of adventures with quinn and ryan. i hope i am willing to step out of my comfort zone. and i hope i will still hope for those things when it is july and not the day before the beginning of a new year.

happy new year!

Saturday, December 30, 2006

waiting

i am currently waiting. waiting for cinnamon roll dough to rise--it will take a least an hour and a half. i don't wait very well. i was working on my attitude towards waiting for awhile and decided that waiting was an opportunity to relax. i'm not very good at relaxing. i'm waiting for a lot of things it seems. waiting to understand. waiting to know. waiting to see. waiting to arrive. waiting to make cinnamon rolls.

"it's been a hard year but i'm climbing out of the rubble these lessons are hard, healing changes are subtle. but every day it's...less like tearing more like building...less like captive more like willing...less like breakdown more like surrender...less like haunting more like remember...and i feel You here and You're picking up the pieces. forever faithful. it seemed out of my hands, a bad situation. but You are able, and in Your hands the pain and hurt look less like scars and more like character...less like a prison and more like my room...less like a casket more like a womb...less like dying and more like transcending...less like fear, less like an ending...and i feel You here and You're picking up the pieces. forever faithful. it seemed out of my hands, a bad situation... but You are able...in Your hands the pain and hurt look less like scars...just a little while ago i couldn't feel the power or the hope...i couldn't cope, i couldn't feel a thing...just a little while back i was desperate, broken, laid out...hoping You would come...and i need You and i want You here and i feel You...and i feel You here and You're picking up the pieces. forever faithful. it seemed out of my hands, a bad situation...but You are able...and in Your hands the pain and hurt look less like scars and in Your hands the pain and hurt look less like scars and more like character..."

less like scars by sara groves

so i'm waiting. hoping to relax as i wait. hoping to discover whatever it is that i'm waiting for. hoping to encounter the God that is forever faithful in the process.